Sunday, April 7, 2013

Just This Once

Mothers can't help it.  When they run into nearly forgotten YouTube videos with one of their children in them... and even with a photo of said (teenaged) child showing off a newly caught fish... Mothers gotta throw all of their "this is not a deeply personal blog" ideas out the window.  Just this once.   

A mother might remember nearly miscarrying a son.  Fretting and worrying and dismissing others' well intentioned but painful "assurances" that "there can be plenty of other children."  (but I want THIS one ... I already love THIS one... don't they understand...?).  The intense joy when that very son arrives at term, full-voiced and healthy.  The even more intense joy as "Frankie" grows up to love and serve God. 

A mother remembers a little boy's concerns about not wanting to go to Heaven "cause there's angels there, and angels are girls - YUK!!!"  A mother looks at all-grown-up Frankie and thanks God for his faith, for his family, for all of the years.

No, this is not a family blog.  Most of my family members prefer it that way.  Only one is a total extrovert-to-the-core, and it is he who had one half-second of fishing "fame" in a music video, back when he was a teen.  No, Frankie was not singing in it (except with a group around a campfire), but golly - in that one split-second, could he FISH :)!!  Fishing is one of his favorite things to do even now.

The singer in this music video is Chris Rice (who also wrote the song "Go Light Your World," famously recorded by Kathy Troccoli).

Playing backup guitar is singer Michael W. Smith.

The one-second-fisherman is Frankie - who by that time had made his peace with girls :).   
It's his picture on the still shot of the video before you click on it, at least on the one that shows up when I see it.  He's older now, as I write this, but in this picture he bears a striking resemblance to a little boy I once raised.  Can time really have flown so fast?  I sit and stare.

Anyway, today is Divine Mercy Sunday, and I think the song's theme is appropriate.

Besides that:  mothers can't help it.   Just this once.


  1. Nancy,

    I'm so glad you shared your proud mother moment, and gave us a glimpse of your family. Sounds like you were given an unexpected trip back in time to savour once again, not only that particular moment, but the whole blessing of your son's life.

    It is always so beautiful seeing so many young people together, celebrating a life lived for Jesus. I still tend to think I am one of those people but I guess I have grown up and become old!

    God bless!

    1. Thank you, Sue! This video was made when Chris Rice was nominated for his first "Dove" awards, some years ago now, and Frankie got to know him at that time in a youth group context (Frankie used to help work with youth). I ran into this today while looking for Chris Rice songs on YouTube. I had not seen it for years (I once had a VHS copy, having unashamedly BEGGED for it!). What a lump in the throat I got today, seeing Frankie as a teen again! He's now in his GULP GULP GULP thirties! Yes, I'm THAT old. :) !!

      I am JUSTIFIABLY (smile) just as proud of the rest of my crew... but I let them call the shots on whether or not they are "shared." Frankie is my only dyed in the wool extrovert!

  2. Nancy, I think I can feel your heart throbbing! Mother's can't help true! God knows, and so compares His Love to that of a mother's, even though He is a Father.

    I was so touched by your outpouring of love for your son, and what you shared of almost losing him, and then seeing him grow into a godly young man. He looks adorable, even in the blurry picture. May your children always bring you such joy!

    My son is in his 30's maybe we are both old :) xoxo

    1. Thank you, Patricia. It is wonderful when our children bring us joy... maybe because of the concerns and worries they bring as well :)?? (if anyone has ever raised a child who hasn't caused some fretting as well as rejoicing, I'd like to know about it!)

  3. Oh, Nancy! Your words, "But I want this one; I already love this one" are so beautiful and touching! I so glad you did share this lovely piece and video with Frankie with us. Just wonderful. Happy Feast of divine mercy.

    1. Monica, thanks so much. I specifically remember the day I thought that exact sentence, which obviously has never left me. I sat holding onto my stomach, cradling it, weeping; I even remember the dress I was wearing. Amazing how a few of life's particular moments can stick so keenly into our minds.

  4. This is beautiful, Nancy! What a wonderful memory and a lovely song, too!

    I struggle with my family's privacy quite a bit. It's not always easy to get the balance right between protecting them and being able to share with Internet friends. Sometimes I get it wrong. But, I'm so pleased you shared this, Nancy. It was lovely to share in your joy:)

    God bless, Nancy:-)

    1. Oh yes, the balance... it can be hard to find. We tend to be a "behind the scenes" lot on the whole, but I've managed to photograph the hand or baby-face of a grandchild a few times :)! My littlest grand ("Doodlebug") has her hand in mine proudly displayed toward the bottom of my sidebar. I used to keep the camera by my side when the little ones napped in my lap (which they often did), and snap grainy under-lit macros as they snoozed.... :).

      Thank you, Vicky!

  5. Nancy,
    I love how deeply introspective and heartfulet your writing is!
    Your pride and the way you express it is so palpable. Thank you, sincerely, for sharing.
    And as an aside, I completely understnd where you are coming from in terms of commets around miscarriage. I did miscarry my first and the things people said were shocking. Ok, SOME were on target and helpful. But the perception around miscarriage is astounding. Exactly as you wrote it...exactly those comments. I remember it being almost a physical pain when those words were said.

    Would you consider coming over and linking to my Memoir Monday blog hop? I'd be honored, if so...If not, I understand.

    Today's Memoir Monday post is here:

    and all the previous Mem Mon posts are listed as well if you go to the link within today's post that says something like "Go here for previous posts..." :)

    In today's I am relaying some wisdom that I found helpful, practical, in a book I am currently reading, for the writer of memoir, rather than my own reflection....but I would love it if you'd come on over and check it out and possibly link your post up.
    The Mem Mon button is on the right sidebar with HTML if you'd like to grab it if/when you link.

    Gotta run and get the day moving, but thank you for sharing your heart....


    1. Thank you, Chris - I did link up! I appreciate such a kind invitation.. and your really touching, understanding words. I still can cry, literally, thinking of several potential crises during that pregnancy. And Frankie has had a few health issues since birth, thankfully mostly minor (HORRID migraines beginning at age 4, allergies that stopped his getting good nutrition for a scary "failure to thrive" month in infancy... lots of relatively smallish et ceteras). So a behind the scenes part of this story is the fact that he has OVERCOME so much that even people who know him well now have absolutely no idea about. But MAMA remembers. Mamas generally do...

      I could not get your link-up-picture into this post without losing the video (Mama cries "EEEEK!"), but I hope the link I put is sufficient. And this afternoon I look forward to visiting everyone there... what a gift! Thank you so much.

    2. And Chris, I am so sorry about the loss of your first child. I wish I could go back in time and give you lots of hugs....

    3. Thanks SO much for linking, Nancy...really...
      And thanks for your kind words.

      I lost the baby on 2/15/99 at 14 weeks, 3 days after a week of well, an occurrence...not to get to specific..... and every year I think of her on that day...There were some who really were accepting and caring of the loss...absolutely there were.
      I do appreciate your thoughts though!

      Also, I added a few things to the CBN link up blitz! I have been forgetting to link posts there! I saw that you did and it reminded me.
      Also, are you on FB or pinterest/twitter?
      Love you, friend

    4. Chris, I'll bet our symptoms were much the same. Mine went on for more than a week, rather "severe" for what they were, and I always wondered how my baby survived through it. It was before ultrasounds, and I was given medication to take until they could find a heartbeat, which wasn't until I was nearly 6 months along. A very tense 2 months! I've been told in more recent years that Frankie may have had a twin that I lost. Possible, especially as there was evidence at MY birth that I might have had a twin... but that was back before they invented doctors :)!

      I don't do Facebook. Am on twitter and have no clue how to use it. But I have had an active Pinterest account for about a month now. It's almost entirely Catholic boards (has a "cloistered heart" theme), and can be found at Hope to see you there!!! I don't go by my name, but by "Cloistered in the World."

      Thanks again, so much!

  6. I'm kinds hoping that it's not just this once. I so luved a peek into your life and the sweetness you've shared. Thank you and God bless your dear family!

    1. Aww Allison, thank you!!!! Already I'm thinking my next post here might have a few, you know... words... in it. :) Check back to see!

  7. Ha you mom! Good memory. Your post made me tear up. As always, you craft your words like a fine oil painting. But Frankie was a little older than a teen here...probably 25? A little fuzzy on the age myself ;)

    1. Teared up? Awww, sniffle sniffle snork. 25 years old?!!!?... really?!? Oh my. I must be older than I thought.

      Words crafted like a fine oil painting? Oh my. Sniffle sniffle snork. I'm not repeating myself am I? am I am I am I am I? Oh my.

      (15 tissues later) 'Frankie' was and is and always will be a wonderful son.

      (32 tissues later). Love you too. s-s-snork.