Monday, July 29, 2013

Go Through the Motions


I sometimes must wrestle myself into prayer.  It often seems that I'm waging an all-out battle against distractions, laziness, daydreams, aridity, and sudden inexplicable desires to latch onto any shiny bit of trivia that will keep me from praying.   

This makes no sense. 

God Himself, the Creator of the universe and the One Who loves me beyond all imagining, is waiting to comfort and heal and bless and listen to me.  He is, quite literally, waiting. 

And I, in effect, ignore Him so I can turn my attention to....... what?

Let's see.  In just the last few days, I've put off prayer in order to focus my attention on junk mail, crossword puzzles, television, a book just borrowed, idle chatter, tiredness, a fleeting headache,  various Internet links, and at least one catalog order that suddenly "had to" be placed right then and there and not half an hour later. 

Interesting.  I don't see anything at all there about my family or the work I've needed to do.  All I see is a list of totally inconsequential things that suddenly become of paramount importance when weighed against spending time with, well... with the Author of Life.

See what I mean?  It makes no sense. 

This morning I was graced with a glimpse of the senselessness.  Weakly, I asked God for help.  That's when the thought crossed my mind:  "at least go through the motions."  Don't feel like taking time for prayer?  Take a few minutes anyway.  Don't feel inspired?  Pick up a prayer book and mouth some words.  The Bible and Breviary seem to weigh a ton today? ("oh...hooow will I ever liiift them?!").  Pick one up anyway.  Make the effort.  Do something.  If your heart feels wired shut, at least open your mouth. 

Go through the motions.  

So I did.  With a heart that felt like dried, fissured, ancient rock, I tried to focus while my mind flitted .... somewhere.  With mind unengaged, heart uninvolved, attention scattered to dusty winds, I went through the motions. 

Then it happened.  Like a lamp in a house whose electricity had been out, suddenly I knew I was connected.  It felt as if chains were shattered, and indeed - I think that's true.  But that would not have happened if I hadn't begun by going through the motions. 

And does this post even make any sense?  Possibly not, but regardless - I'll hit "publish."  With a prayer for anyone else who might be having trouble making the decision to take a few minutes in prayer.. and with a prayer for myself as well. 

After all, tomorrow's another day. I know how this goes:  it is a daily battle. I will face it again, and again.  

I pray for grace to go through the motions.

Wyczolkowski Wiosna painting

21 comments:

  1. Yes. Exactly. Thank you for putting my feelings into words!

    Many blessings to you
    Karen

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  2. This makes perfect sense. It also gives me much needed encouragement. Thank you Nancy.

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  3. Nancy,

    I am ignoring God so I can go read a few blogs... but then again, reading your blog helps me get closer to God. In fact, I am feeling inspired to close my computer and turn to prayer, even if I have to 'go through the motions' after reading your post! Thank you!

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  4. Thank you Nancy. This post was very helpful! What bothers me the most is when I'm distracted during Mass, especially during the consecration. Sometimes I realize that I missed it completely and was not paying attention at all. So many graces wasted! But everyday, I pick myself up and try again, hoping that my very presence is pleasing to the Lord even though I am not completely there in spirit.

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  5. thanks. I've been NOT going through the motions for several years. I needed this today, to encourage me to start again.

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  6. Thank you all, so much! Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this. That's especially helpful as I go through the motions again and again. Anne, I shudder to think of how many Mass Consecrations I've knelt through in total distraction; and how many times I have received Our Lord in Communion and then barely told Him 'hi' before a distraction latched right onto my mind.

    One of THE things I hold onto is the knowledge that I can start again, today. I cannot change a week or a year or a decade ago.. but I CAN PRAY RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE. And I can behave differently than I did a minute ago. Yes, that keeps me hanging on...

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  7. Yes, yes, yes it makes sense!! You are definitely not alone in this :) I'm so glad you wrote about distractions and then hit publish! It's good to know that I am not alone...lol. (I lol-ed because it shouldn't be good to know I'm not alone in this.)

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    1. Isn't it wonderful that He lets us know, through each other, that we have the same basic struggles?

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  8. As a former Protestant, I began my life as a Catholic very worried about things like "vain repetition." For that reason, "going through the motions" seemed to me to be something to be avoided at all costs. I gradually came to realize that the alternative, at certain times in my life, to going through the motions is to not pray until I happen to feel like it - in other words, to rely on my very unreliable emotional state to determine whether or not I am going to do what we have been commanded to do: pray without ceasing.

    Just like you, I find that when I make the effort no matter how I happen to feel, God comes running to embrace me.

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    1. Renee, I had the same kinds of concerns some years ago. I clearly remember the day when it hit me that I could love God by decision, and that thus I could tell Him I loved Him regardless of how I "felt." I could thank Him and speak words of praise, because He was always worthy no matter what was happening in me. It revolutionized my prayer life! Yet, still I have to fight myself day by day. And when I make the effort, He comes with the embrace... even when I don't "feel" it, I know He is there with the embrace. And often, He (in one way or another) lets me know that He is there.

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  9. Oh....this is just what I needed today Nancy! I am caught up on housework and have time for prayer...but I am *flitting* about doing a bunch of nothing.

    I did push myself to pray one of the daytime Hours...and glad I did. I have to keep that up today!

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    1. I pushed myself today also, and it was a difficult task. I hope to write on (Friday-ish?) a bit more about what God seemed to be showing me as I did this!

      I find often that the more time I have, the more license I give myself to WASTE it. Siiiigh.....

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  10. Nancy,thank you for sharing this. I laughed when I read how you spent your time..especially that "order" that had to be placed right away! How familiar it all sounds. Some days more than others, but aridity makes prayer a constant struggle. It does make me smile when I imagine how our Beloved God is watching us, and waiting, and what joy he allows us to bring to His heart when we stop our foolishness for a bit to spend time with HIM. I think I'll go say a decade of the rosary... :)

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    1. Thank you for letting me know this is familiar to you also :)! I laughed myself this morning, when I placed an order for lotion. Had to be done TODAY!!

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  11. Thanks for sharing! I find all sorts of things to do instead of (and during) prayer too! I may or may not admit to stopping in the middle of the rosary yesterday to check my facebook messages...

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    1. Thank you for my great big smile right now!! I may or may not do the exact same thing from time to time (to time) (to time).

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  12. It is indeed a battle...thanks for sharing and encouraging!

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  13. He is so generous to allow us to (and help us to!) find one another!

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  14. I too am a Protestant convert, in my mid sixties before finding God in my life. I've been through periods of much consolation and knew how much I was loved by the way I was spoken to through my reading.
    I used to daydream during the rosary, thinking of images I would like to see while praying, distraction...major issue with me. I'm so imperfect and God still meets me where I am everyday I seek him out. I sometimes have to go through the motions and find it comforting to know that we have this gift of prayers handed down to us through the centuries that we can pray. I don't feel that any of them are vain repetition because after all we are calling God to let us come near.
    I just stumbled onto your blog this day and I love reading your messages and inspirations.
    Thank you for taking the time to do this ministry.

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